Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do herpes really smell.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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