I smell stomach acid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
