either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
