I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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