which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
