He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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