He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
