Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
