Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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