in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
