I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
