Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
