Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
