i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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