i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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