guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize