It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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