im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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