Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
