all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
