SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
