we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
