Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
