She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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