I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
