Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
