If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
