It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They took my balls.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize