Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
