White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
