i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
