just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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