I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
