Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
