Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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