I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
