What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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