It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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