Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
