is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
