What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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