i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
