His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Please don't give away my fajitas
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
