I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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