if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
