youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
