I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
