So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
