i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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