afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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