I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
