she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ok first of all what the fuck
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
