Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
