WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
