I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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