I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
