one two three fourrrrnication!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
