I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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