just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
