walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
