I wish I could teleport
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
