Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
