Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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