weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
