Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
