I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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