so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
