What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
