theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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