whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
