I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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