I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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