I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
