so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
