Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
