Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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