Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
