I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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